From Rock 'n' Roll to rehab and back again: radio personality Dayna Keyes joins TWSS™ on 12/3 at The Social Study

Radio Rehab host Dayna Keyes | 📷 Morgan Shidler

DECEMBER GUEST SPEAKER:
DAYNA KEYES

$5 Donation at the door! Womxn only!
MONDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2018
7P - 9P @ THE SOCIAL STUDY
1795 GEARY STREET, SF 94115

This recovering drug addict fiercely believes in "recovering out loud!"

Dayna has been a part of show business since she was eight years old. She was born in the deep South and raised on Rock 'n' Roll with another home-base in Los Angeles.

Dayna has acted in Indie films, music videos, and national TV commercials, but she found her home in radio after moving to the Bay Area in 2000. Now she hosts a podcast called Radio Rehab where she and her guests share their intimate conversations about addiction and recovery.

Although her own story is a tough one, Dayna's victory over death, drugs, and degradation--and her ability to come out on top--is sure to inspire!

$5 donation at the door. We accept cash & VenMo @ThatsWhatSheSaid-SF.

All door donations will be given to Dayna's chosen charity: North Valley Animal Disaster Group.

NVADG helps animals affected by disasters with temporary sheltering, evacuation, medical care, reunions with with their owners, fostering, and/or adopting them into good, suitable permanent homes.

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ICYMI, our November guest speaker was Sara Bergamaschi. TWSS™ sponsor Bitch Talk was able to get a few words in with her. Check out their interview here.

From Bitch Talk: "We are once again recording live from The Social Study at their monthly womxn's event That's What She Said! Sara Bergamaschi is a fighter. She's the co-founder of SAHR (Strategic Advocacy for Human Rights) which is a women-led team of human rights lawyers and advocates working to break barriers to justice for survivors of gender violence. Listen in as we talk with Sara and uncover how she found the guts to perform the work she does, all with an incredible Italian accent."

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What the Blasey Ford and Kavanaugh Senate hearing reminds us 🇺🇸

“It has never been more important that our representatives to Congress accurately represent our population.

Gender parity in political leadership is not just a matter of equity. Because women face different opportunities and expectations, they provide an infusion of new ideas and perspectives, and improve both the policymaking process and the policies that generate from that process.

The Kavanaugh confirmation hearings are a perfect example of why political parity matters. Of the 21 members on the Senate judiciary committee, only 4 are women (and all those women Democrats). Imagine what these hearings might look like with an equal number of women on both sides of the aisle questioning Kavanaugh about the recent allegations of sexual misconduct. It's a travesty that in 2018 we are still not there.”

ANNE MOSES, PRESIDENT & COFOUNDER, IGNITENATIONAL.ORG

Dr Christine Blasey Ford is sworn in at the hearing where the Senate Judiciary Committee questioned her about sexual assault perpetrated by Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. | 📷 Instagram @barrjessie

OCTOBER GUEST SPEAKER:
LYZZ SCHWEGLER

$5 suggested donation! womxn only!
MONDAY, OCT 1, 2018
7PM - 9PM @ THE SOCIAL STUDY
1795 GEARY STREET, SF 94115

On Thursday, many of us were glued to TV and radio listening to testimony from Dr Blasey Ford as well as Judge Kavanaugh regarding her allegation that he sexually assaulted her when they were in high school.

Her testimony was heart-wrenching. And his was furious.

The GOP called the hearing a circus. And the Dems begged to stall today's Judiciary Committee vote to confirm Kavanaugh's Supreme Court Nomination, simply asking that the FBI review corroborating witnesses and ultimately reveal the Truth.

Today, we have listened to members of the Committee voice their support for Dr Blasey Ford or their support for Kavanaugh. And now we wait for the vote...

As citizens and changemakers, it's common to feel helpless. Why is it so hard to pursue facts before confirming this man's lifetime appointment to the highest court in the Land? Why is it so easy to turn a blind eye to this victim?

Now, more than ever, it is imperative that we acquire strategy to mobilize.

And with the midterms right around the corner, With the midterms right around the corner, That’s What She Said™ is especially honored to host Sister District Project’s Lyzz Schwegler at TWSS™ on Monday.

Since 2016, the Sister District co-founder and her team have been turning Red States into Blue ones by working to ensure that all Americans have equal representation and our government works for all people, not just the minority in power.

Lyzz will share her journey from Barnard and UCLA to federal law clerking, and most recently, her passion and commitment to shifting the political landscape of our country as we know it.

And she’ll leave us with action items and ways to leverage our power in The Bay so we can support our sisters across America during this critical election period and beyond.

Let's do this. We must.

September TWSS™ moved to 2nd Monday, 9/10

Networking guru Meaghan Mitchell takes the TWSS™ stage on Monday, 9/10, from 7p - 9p @ The Social Study in San Francisco.

September Speaker Meaghan Mitchell featured in #IAmBayview ad campaign to celebrate the neighborhood's diversity. Photographed by George McCalman & Jason Madara.  Instagram: @section926

$5 suggested donation! womxn only!
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2018
7PM - 9PM @ THE SOCIAL STUDY
1795 GEARY STREET, SF 94115

Happy Friday, ladies!

Just a quick reminder that our next TWSS™ sesh is on the 10th...
(we’re doing our best to help you take a breather this holiday weekend!)

When we do gather on the 10th, TWSS™ member Meaghan Mitchell will take the stage! Meaghan isn’t just a die-hard TWSS™er...she’s a homegrown San Franciscan carving out her place in this fabulous city.

Join us on Monday, September 10 as this networking powerhouse reveals what it takes to thrive on the road less traveled and what her secret is in creating amazing opps for herself in some of The Bay’s most competitive industries.

$5 suggested donation at the door. All Door Dollars benefit Meaghan’s beneficiary: Imprint City.

Imprint City is a non-profit organization seeking to activate underutilized spaces with arts and culture events as well as community development projects, encouraging increased foot traffic and economic vitality.

Cash is Queen, but you can VenMo us at @ThatsWhatSheSaid-SF (please reference Imprint City in the "What's it for?" section).

No one will be turned away for lack of funds!

And the raffle winner is 729_ _ _!

📷 © Morgan Shidler | July TWSS™: Comedy Night + Barone Fini Wine Tasting Challenge

We wish we could channel Oprah and give everyone a car! (Someday!) 

Today, though, Lucky Number 729128  becomes the proud owner of a $100 gift certificate to Kokkari and a bottle of Pol Roger Champagne (the official bubbly at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Royal Wedding, say whaaaaaaa’?!)

Take a snap of your ticket, Lucky Number 729128, upload it to your socials, and tag @thatswhatshesaidsf to claim your hella delicious goods!

Mad props to everyone who showed face last nite. Together, we raised almost ONE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. for That’s What She Said™ 😝 ONETHOUSANDDOLLARS!!!

We couldn’t have done it without your dollar-dollar-bills and hearts! And we also couldn’t have done it without our generous sponsor and in-kind donors.

📷 © Morgan Shidler | Suzette Obergfell, TWSS™ sponsor Barone Fini Wines

Thank you to Suzette and Barone Fini for hosting the Blind Wine Tasting competition. When Suzette’s company invited her to support an opportunity with Barone Fini, she knew immediately that she wanted to work with TWSS™. Her words: “I am supportive of womxn who care about the local community and the success of womxn in the Bay Area—and grateful to be supporting TWSS™!”

Suzette’s support included raffle prizes and a $250 Challenge Grant; between the raffle, Barone Fini Merlot donations at the bar, and our GoFundMe campaign, we raised an additional $447 towards that Challenge Grant 🙌🏼 

Even better: Suzette decided to match what we raised and has given TWSS™ $500 (rather than her $250 challenge amount). Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times, Suzette!

ONETHOUSANDDOLLARS!!!

Shout out to our friends at Kokkari, too, for hooking up Lucky Number 729128 with a gift certificate for lunch or dinner. Make your reso now, Lucky Number 729128! Kokkari is a SF Institution. A Greek Temple of Lamb. One of Zagat’s best-rated restaurants: “A Downtown star for many years, this sublime Greek continues to shine with lamb shanks from the gods, flawlessly spit-roasted meats and other fabulous specialties served by an exceptional crew in an inviting, rustic-chic space favored by fashionable crowds; the memorable experience requires a difficult rezzie and deep pockets to meet the high-class cost, but it’s widely hailed as a ‘must-go’ for a good reason.”

Also, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim Kardashian had dinner at Kokkari last year.

Also, Kokkari Chef Erik Cosselman cooked for the Obamas.

Thank you, Kokkari! Dig in, Lucky Number 729128!

July TWSS™ Comics, from left, Nicole Calasich, Ali Littman, and Anica Cihla

And last but not least, we MUST give it up for our comics! Thank you Anica, Ali, and Nicole. We’re still laughing our faces off! 

Please support this crew in SF. And don’t forget to pre-order Ali’s book Radio Underground so we can get her on that Wall Street Journal Best Seller List. Ali needs 3,000 pre-orders of her book by September—we can help make a dent, right?! RIGHT?! You can pre-order Radio Underground on Amazon or via iBooks.

Oh! And if you've ever joined us at That's What She Said™, make sure you also join our private FB group (for attendees only) so you can catch more of Morgan's great snaps!

How’s that for a long-winded thank you?! We are so grateful to be in this together! See you on August 6!

Comedy Night + Wine Tasting Competition + a Challenge Grant!

You get all 3 at July's TWSS™! Bring your dudes to a blind wine-tasting competition, hosted by Barone Fini Wines, from 5P - 7P, then enjoy round 3 of Comedy Night with your womxn friends at TWSS™ on Monday, 7/9 at The Social Study in San Francisco.

📷© Morgan Shidler | #FamilesBelongTogether March, SF - 06.30.2018

JULY: COMEDY NIGHT

Free Event!
MONDAY, JULY 9, 2018
WINE-TIME COMPETITION 5P - 7P (OPEN TO ALL)
COMEDY 7P - 9P (WOMXN ONLY)
THE SOCIAL STUDY
1795 GEARY STREET, SF 94115

Girl, oh, girl! There’s a lot of power happenin'! And whatever you’re doin' to make this world a better place, whether you’re takin’ it to the streets to keep families together, celebratin’ and/or raisin’ hell on July 4th, or simply handin’ over your own reusable mug when ya order that triple-venti, half-sweet, non-fat caramel macchiato, TWSS™ is sendin’ ya mad props.

We also wanna invite you to take a load off and get your laugh on at our July installment of That’s What She Said™. That’s right: round 3 of comedy night is comin’ atcha this Monday, July 9. We’ve got three more local Bay Area all-stars to usher in some much needed funnies.

July TWSS™ Comedy Night Talent, from left, Nicole Calasich, Alli Litman, & Anica Cihla

Nicole Calasich, Alli Litman, and Anica Cihla will be your comedians for the evening—and they’re gonna stick around after the show for some Q&A. So if you’ve ever wondered how they got started in stand up, what makes a great joke, or about the stories they share, then you can ask ‘em on Monday.

WINE-TASTING COMPETITION: 5P - 7P (OPEN TO ALL!)

This evening is sponsored by Barone Fini Wines, and they’re hosting a free blind-wine-tasting competition before the laugh riot begins! All you have to do is show up between 5p and 7p, sip and spit (or don’t!), and tell us which wine is your fave!

Bonus! Your dude-identifying friends and lovers are welcome to attend and taste from 5p - 7p, as well! So make it an early date with him, then laugh the night away with your womxn friends!

A CHALLENGE GRANT FOR TWSS™

Barone Fini has offered That’s What She Said™ a $250 Challenge Grant! The catch? We have to raise $250 from alla you…

We’re pretty excited about this because TWSS™ runs on volunteer time, and we have never collected money to support our needs and goals.

Actually, we’ve always donated contributions collected at TWSS™, as well as a portion of bar sales, to the featured speaker’s beneficiary…which equates to nearly $4,000 donated to 14 charities since TWSS™’s inception in 2017.

Boomshakalaka!

This Challenge Grant could be a gamechanger. Your financial support will:

• boost our visibility so more womxn around the world know about the TWSS™ community and get involved with our  movement;
• provide resources to creatively invite more speakers to the TWSS™ stage, and;
• fund a promo video capturing TWSS™’s spirit… the list goes on and on.

And there will be a myriad of ways to contribute on Monday, too, including a raffle, but if you wanna get the party started, make a donation through our GoFundMe page now**! All contributions made as of today will apply towards Barone Fini’s $250 Challenge Grant.

**A note about our GoFundMe page:

You might recall that we launched this fundraising campaign back in January in honor of our one-year anniversary. And you have helped us raise $625 since then—thank you!

Our new goal is to reach $875 by Monday, which accounts for the previously raised $625 + $250 raised toward Barone Fini's Challenge Grant.

Thank you always for supporting the That’s What She Said™ community. Together, womxn will be heard. And together, we’re making a difference!

Onward!

What Maggie Horton-Brande taught us about realizing self-worth

"I thought of myself as an independent, strong woman... But it was impossible for me to know to what degree I was compromising and devaluing myself… We need to do what we do without compromising our own boundaries, as even the small, day-to-day breakages build upon themselves and contribute to our suffering." - Maggie Horton-Brande | June 4, 2018

BY MEGHAN RALEY WEIMER, TWSS™ ORGANIZER

In our June installment of That's What She Said™, IMPACT Bay Area’s Maggie Horton-Brande took the stage, sharing her story of realizing self-worth with the aim of helping us enjoy our lives deeply and making ourselves more available to perform positive work in the world.

As a bodyworker, meditation instructor, and somatic practitioner, Maggie discussed the “skill to say NO,” and she also shared practical information on nervous system health and inner resiliency.

Maggie focused a lot on the self-protective stress responses fight and flight. But instead of curating a discussion based on one versus the other, she reminded us that freeze is a go-to instinct for many people--and she also introduced the lesser known “Tend and Befriend” response.

While fight, flight, and freeze will occur at some point in everyone’s lives, Maggie shared that Tend and Befriend is more specific to women and oppressed peoples.

“[It’s] where the person with less power in a situation appeases and manages the emotions of the person with more relative power,” she said.

“It’s when your physical safety, or your financial security, or the safety of your children depends on your ability to calm down or stay on the good side of the other person--boss, husband, justice system…"

I can pinpoint the appearances of fight, flight, and freeze in my life… In general, I tend to completely avoid stressful situations, so flight is my go-to. Shockingly, I experienced fight when I pursued my assailants immediately after getting mugged at gunpoint and promptly pistol-whipped in exchange for my belongings. And the PTSD from that experience has yielded many moments of freeze--which I find excruciating--whether I experience it during an acting audition or during a general PTSD-induced moment of anxiety.

Tend and Befriend, on the other hand, is a response I had never before named, but when Maggie introduced it, I felt...home. To me, though, it has been more of a lifestyle than a direct response to momentary stress.

In a 2007 article introducing Tend and Befriend, Anjula Razdan cited psychologist Shelley Taylor, Ph.D.’s notion that “The dominant metaphor, ‘fight or flight,’ represents the threatening social landscape as a solitary kill-or-be-killed world.”

As one of the developers of the Tend and Befriend response theory, Dr Taylor's theory “challenges the notion that the individualistic, aggressive ‘fight or flight’ model applies to all of us, observing that ‘the human response to stress is characterized at least as much by tending to and befriending others, a pattern that is especially true of women.’”

The threatening social landscape

I find more solace in this generalization than I do the notion that Tend and Befriend is simply a stress response. To me, it’s parallel to author Alice Miller’s “The Drama of the Gifted Child,” a book that made sense of much of my self-proclaimed crazy.

On Psychology Today, Dr Marilyn Wedge summarizes the book: “the gifted child—the child who is more intelligent, more sensitive and more emotionally aware than other children—can be so attuned to her parents’ expectations that she does whatever it takes to fulfill these expectations while ignoring her own feelings and needs. In becoming the “perfect” child of her parents’ dreams, the gifted child loses something very precious. She loses her true self. In becoming her parents’ ideal child, she locks away her true feelings in a kind of ‘glass cellar,’ the key to which is thrown away.”

And while “The Drama of the Gifted Child” makes the Tend and Befriend response seem like a travesty, it's important to remember that it is indeed a stress response. In Razdan’s article, she reminds us that  “seeking out social support and nurturing others is not only a great form of stress relief, it’s also as vital to our health and well-being as the food we eat, how much sleep we get, and whether or not we smoke.”

She goes on to quote Dr Taylor: “The social world is undeniably protective. Ties with family and close friends are protective of physical health…[while] social isolation increases the risk for all causes of death, including heart disease, cancer, stroke, accidents, or suicide.”

Have you experienced tend-and-befriend? How have stress responses played out in your own life?

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With Maggie’s permission, we have published a portion of her TWSS™ talk about Tend and Befriend. You can read it here.

Check out TWSS™ organizer Erin Lim’s interview with Maggie Horton-Brande on the Bitch Talk Podcast.